Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
