I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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