shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
