My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
