And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
