Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i drank out of a bidet.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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