Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
