I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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