So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
