There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
