well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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