she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
