Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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