At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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