so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
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most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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