ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
