Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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