nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
