we're chasing vodka with high fives
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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