i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
