I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
