I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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