my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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