his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
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Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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