Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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