yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
