Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
