Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize