I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
