She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
