69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
