Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
