Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
