my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
