It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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