I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
