with your own penis?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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