me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
