we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Vodka?
Forever.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
