I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
