Plan B is the new Plan A
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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