i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
