You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
