I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
