Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
