Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You are a genius and a whore.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
