It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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