Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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