Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
