Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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