once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize