...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
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I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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