Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
