Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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