New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
