I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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