I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
