dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So squirting runs in the family.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
