I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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