I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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