So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
