u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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