If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
