He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
