I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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