Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Your penis caused this!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
