He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
