sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
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EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
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Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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