On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
