I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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