you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
