everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
