I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
