Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I want to fling myself into the sun
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
